Honesty and truth

Everyone always says honesty is the most important part of a marriage, so why do I find it so hard to be honest about my pain levels and fears with my husband. Is it because even though women are the “fairer” sex, we are still expected to handle anything?

I don’t seem to be honest with my friends or myself either.  I may explain what RA and Fibromyalgia is but not necessarily how it applies to me.

In the beginning after I was diagnosed, that’s all I wanted and needed to talk about, after I realized no one listened much, I would say things like “I am getting a bit sore” or “I am kind of tired”. It would take me needing to use crutches or my hands noticeably crippled for me to say more after that first year. I felt like a whiner and my disease became me instead of me having a disease. My husband thought I was being uptight and had to work to have fun because I hide the physical and emotional pain and the fears too much.

So here are the questions I need to find answers for inside myself.  How do I express how I am feeling without it consuming all my thoughts and not sound whiney? Do I explain what RA  and Fibromyalgia is and wait for follow up questions or do I tell people right away how it pertains to me? Do I push the issue that RA is not arthritis in the classic sense and Fibromyalgia is not a fake disease?

With too many people thinking you bring it up for advice and saying “did you try this that and the other?” Screw you. … of course.  I am explaining what I am going through, not looking for sympathy or advice. Grrrrr

If you made it through this rant, thank you, it felt to get it out.  Even though I still was not open about what my pain is right now and what my current fears are. Lol

Better soon I hope

My shoulder is so bad and causing pain in my neck and back. Getting sick of sleeping on the couch. My husband moves an inch and I wake up. He feels bad but it isn’t his fault.

Because of my inactivity my hips are now joining the fight and RAndall (this is what I named my ra) is tap dancing all over. I think I can hear the little asshole giggling but I can never catch him.

Last week I contacted my doctor and he put me on prednisone for three weeks and also a muscle relaxer. I finally got a good night sleep.

Today I went for a two mile walk with my friends and the tendon in my ankle tightened up.  I didn’t say anything though as I was enjoying my time outside with them. It was a long winter.

I figured out my body loves mexico. My husband suprised me with a week in cancun and getting away from the stress, cold and damp, and life in general was awesome.

Time to get some sleep setting I have a ten hour work day tomorrow.

Stupid shoulder

I have been having shoulder pain for a while. I had an mri in august and I have tendonitis and the start of ra. Most days it is just aggravating but yesterday I couldn’t brush my hair or put my jacket on. As much as I hate training at work, I am grateful as I don’t have to move my arm much.

My hands haven’t been too bad but my heels, toes, knees and hips haven’t been the best. I have been going to the gym and water walking. Definitely an awesome workout.

The end of Feb I went to cancun, the weather was awesome, all the food and drinks we wanted. So nice to relax and now time to plan our next all inclusive for next year.  This was my first time going somewhere like this and I am hooked. I walked on the beach and alot of walking while shopping.  Got sore toward the end but manageable. All worth it.

Long day

Today had been the worst.  Got news this morning that my uncle passed away, later in the day I twisted my ankle very badly then find out my step dad had a heart attack and is in the hospital.
All of this after too many nights of insomnia and a winter storm.  Only good thing about messing up my ankle so bad is I don’t have to shovel so at least I am ending on a positive note. Time to try and get some sleep.

MRI results

Got a letter from the Dr saying I have tendonitis and bursitis in multiple tendons of my rotator cuff.  No significant arthritis.  I would assume there is some arthritis but not enough to worry about. Now to search the Internet for shoulder stretches and exercises to help so I don’t have to go to physical therapy or get a shot in the shoulder.  I already have bursitis in the hips.  Is this common with ra?

So very sore

Been feeling OK lately.  Not the best but Ok.  My shoulder has been messed up since July and I go for an mri tomorrow.  My lower joints have been achy but not pounding, so nothing I can’t handle.

Sunday I went to the local college campus to do a 5k walk with friends. Parked half a mile away and took about am hour before our wave got to go. By the end of the walk my shoe was rubbing on my ankle and my hips, toes and heels hurt but I had a blast.

I said goodbye to my friends, had a good time despite the pain.  I went to follow the path to get to my car and to my dismay there were 6 different ways I could go. 

I am very bad with directions. Just awful. I have mini panic attacks if I have to find someplace new. Knowing this I paid careful attention to landmarks. When I went to find my car, the landmarks were no help.  Needless to say I wandered the campus for an hour and 45 min before I found the parking lot I was in. I managed 8 miles total between the walk and the wandering.  No wonder I am so sore.

My husband yelled at me because he can’t figure out how someone can lose a car.  My friend yelled because I didn’t call her to have her help me.  Everyone assumes it was pure stubbornness on my end and yes, some of it was.  I figured it had to be around the next building. Honestly it was more anger at myself and embarrassment that caused me not to call.